The great "want" audit

Remember that time you spent three months learning to juggle because someone at a party said it was impressive? Or that year pursuing engineering because your parents thought it was respectable? Or perhaps that relationship you stayed in because, well, everyone else was getting married?

Welcome to the Human Default Settings™, where we accidentally live other people's lives while our own is gathering dust in the corner.

I spent my early twenties chasing a career in Economics because it seemed "successful." I was about as suited to investment banking as a penguin is to fire dancing. The only numbers I enjoyed crunching were the minutes until I could leave the office.

Yet there I was, arranging pixels on Excel sheets, telling myself this was what ambition looked like. Most of us are running complex algorithms written by other people. Our desires are basically a mixtape of, "What our insecurities whisper to us at 3 AM"

We're like smartphones running apps we never chose to download. "But wait," you say, "I chose this career/relationship/lifestyle myself!" Did you though? Or did you choose it the way people in the 90s "chose" to have mullets?

The real question isn't "What do I want?" but rather "What do I want to want?" It's like wanting to want to eat salad instead of pizza. (Though if you naturally want salad, who hurt you?). This is where the Great Want Audit comes in. Imagine Marie Kondo, but instead of tidying up your closet, you're tidying up your desires. Pick up each want, hold it close, and ask: "Does this spark joy, or does this spark societal approval?"

If nobody could judge your choices, what would you choose?

Sometimes we're so disconnected from our authentic desires that we've become emotional ventriloquists, throwing our voice into whatever shape society expects. We're method acting our way through life so convincingly that we've forgotten it's a performance.

Here's a fun exercise: Write down everything you're currently pursuing. Then, next to each item, write "Because..." and finish the sentence honestly. If your "because" involves the words "should," "supposed to," or "everyone else," you might be living someone else's want-list.

This isn't about throwing everything away and becoming a goat farmer in the mountains (unless that's your authentic desire, in which case, godspeed and good luck with the goats). It's about examining your wants with the same scrutiny you'd use on a suspicious terms and conditions agreement.

The goal isn't to want less – it's to want better. To want more authentically. To want things that align with your core self, not your Instagram self or your LinkedIn self or your "What would my high school reunion think?" self.

You can't shop for authenticity at Whole Foods, and you can't download it from the App Store. It's a DIY project, and like all DIY projects, it's probably going to be messy, take longer than expected, and might require a few do-overs.

But once you start wanting what you actually want, life becomes more like dancing to your own weird, wonderful rhythm. Even if that rhythm involves juggling after all – but this time, because YOU want to.

So, what do you want to want? Take your time. Your authentic desires have been patient; they can wait a little longer while you find them. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. The same goes for authentic wanting. Start your Want Audit today, before you wake up at 50 realising you've spent your life collecting someone else's trophies.

And , if all else fails, there's always goat farming.

About Me:

I write 'cos words are fun. More about me here. Follow @hackrlife on X